


You were good to me

by zitrolena



Series: Beth and Addy - You were good to me [1]
Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: F/F, Fluffy, I say it's canon, Little bit of angst but that just goes with their characters, Pre-Canon, Sometimes they're more than soft, Still no matter where I go, actually feel like sth like that happened at some point, and please.. can we talk about how soft Beth is for Addy, at the end of every road, beth doesn't only have bad dreams okay?, cause damn... they have my heart, soft, you were good to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23552149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zitrolena/pseuds/zitrolena
Summary: \\ Still no matter where I go, at the end of every road, you were good to me //  ~ Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea CutlerBefore the first season beginsPart of a possible series <3
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Series: Beth and Addy - You were good to me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697035
Comments: 8
Kudos: 68





	You were good to me

Beth is sitting on the couch in her room scrolling through her Instagram pictures. Her post mainly consist of pictures with other people – mostly Addy and sometimes the squad - only 2 pictures of her alone and those were taken when she was out with her friends. She wonders if that says anything about her, who she would be without the people she’s close to. Would she even be anyone?

For a while now, she’s been stuck watching a video of her and Addy from last summer in camp. The biggest smile builds itself up on her face watching this and she remembers the summer camp as if it's both yesterday and today and wishes that it were tomorrow too.

„Did you talk to your dad yet?”, Beths mother asks drunkenly coming down the stairs, filling herself another expensive whiskey in her glass. Beth could probably switch out the liquid with a 5 dollar whiskey and her mum wouldn’t notice anymore. Beth knows that sometimes that’s the point though. Becoming so numb that you don’t think – that you can’t. Sometimes that’s all you want.

From time to time Beth realises how much she and her mum are alike, and it scares her. So she tries even harder to be different; To not let people play with her in the same way that her dad plays with her mum. But they are alike, no matter how many times Beth tells herself that they aren’t. They pick people to love them, cause they never learned to love themselves

“Nope”, Beth answers shortly, not looking up from her phone. She doesn’t wanna think about that forced conversation she was gonna have to go through.

Having to go to the house from across the street, seeing the family that her dad has switched her mum and her with. Asking her dad for money – again. Having to act nicely as if she didn’t wish to just cut the contact instead – again. Bringing home money only for her mum to spend half of it on alcohol and cigarettes, like so many other times…It’s just an endless circle and she just wanted to be left out of it.

Her mum sights “You can do something for once, Beth". She takes a big sip "I don’t ask much of you!”. Beth doesn’t answer, not even knowing if she does so because of her stubbornness or the numbness inside her.

“I want you to do it tomorrow!”, she groans turning away tripping over her own feet and her glass swinging with it. Halfway standing upright, clinging to the stairway “You don’t care about anyone but yourself, huh”, she mumbles under her breath, but Beth can still hear it. She clenches her jaw and closes her eyes - She doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to be.

She unlocks her phone again.

> _“Wanna hang, Hanlon?”_

* * *

“So, what do you want to do?”, Addy asks sitting on Beths bed next to her “Do you want to go out? I heard that there’s this party today”.

“When is there not a party…”, Beth scoffs sarcastically and turns away rolling her eyes. She doesn’t know why she acts like that, considering this was the first thing she thought she wanted to do after texting Addy. But now she just wants to be alone with her girl. She wants to apologize for always being kinda mean, but she can’t. Sometimes she knows what would be right to do, but she can’t make herself do it. Does that make her a worse person than the people that are just mean by heart?

“Should I call RiRi and tell her to come here and hang?”, Addy asks, noticing that something is wrong but being left in the dark to wonder.

Beth turns to Addy and her cold eyes glare at her “You’re getting sick of me already, Hanlon?”, she grumbles “You just came here 5 minutes ago. Thought you could handle me longer”

“I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to”, Addy responds immediately. “I want to be here”, she continues in a low voice, whipping a small smile on Beths face. Beth doesn’t know why this simple answer makes her so happy, but she can’t help a small smile. Addy always makes her feel good; not like she is either too much or too little. Like she’s worth it. It is the kind of reassurance that makes her feel like _yeah, maybe, maybe everything will be okay one day._

_Maybe life is good after all._

“How about a horror movie then?”, Beth smirks, raising her eyebrows challenging, leaning against Addys shoulder.

Addy scoffs “NOPE, definitely not! You know how much horror movies scare me”, she says shaking her head repeatedly.

“Yeah I know”, Beth grins against Addys shoulder. She doesn’t tell her that she gets scared of them too, but that Addy clinging onto her, grabbing her hand for support and hiding her face in her neck makes it all worth it. “You’re a baby”, she says instead.

“Shut up!”, Addy laughs and lightly hits her on her leg “Ghost movies are the worst though. I can handle people; But ghosts are freaking scary”

Beth bites the inside of her cheek, remembering her mum today. “People are like ghosts, too”, she murmurs as responds. Remembering how her mums voice was there – her body was there – but she wasn’t. She hasn’t been for a long while. Hasn’t been since her dad has left, but it always became worse the nearer the date got to December – the month that he finally decided to leave..

Addy doesn’t say anything, knowing exactly that this is what Beth needs right this second to keep talking. Beth leans back from Addys shoulder, an unease spreading in her body, so she lets herself fall onto the bed, closing her eyes. “People only see you when they want something”, Beth continuous.

Addy shifts on the bed and pinches the mattress uncomfortably “Did your mothers drinking get worse again?”.

She felt it, of course she did.

Addy was always the only one that could see behind the façade that Beth built, hearing the words that wouldn’t leave her mouth but stay in her eyes. Sometimes Beth felt like Addy even knew her better than she knew herself.

“Nothing new. Nothing a ghost couldn’t handle”, she sharply ends the talk before it could even begin. Just like she always does. She doesn’t want to talk about it, even though she feels like she needs to. She's better at hiding anyways.

“You’re not a ghost, Beth”, Addy reassures her tenderly and lays down next to her, their arms brushing each others “You’re top-girl! Everyone sees you”

“Yeah”, she croaks. _They see you until they don’t anymore_ , Beth thinks.

Addy turns to face Beth and wrinkles her nose “And I always have my eyes on my girl!!”, she scoffs and makes a face “Does that count nothing?”

Beth immediately feels this warmth spreading in her chest. This feeling where you don’t even know if you’re breathing anymore, if your body still functions. And sometimes it feels as if Beths body shut off completely, or just works really slowly – Making her lose control of her body and losing the power to hide her smile. She hates those moments, but not as much as she loves them. It’s weird to realise how much she likes losing control – Not that she would ever confess that to someone.

 _No, it wasn’t nothing - it’s everything_.

Beth starts playing with her fingers, wanting to touch something - anything that makes her focus on something else than the feeling inside her chest. “I actually had a dream last night that went like this”, her fingers find the silk-sheets “Just us”

She looks up at Addy for a reaction and Addy keeps looking at her waiting for her to keep talking, which makes Beth just smile even more and she shifts in the bed to make herself more comfortable. “We got out of this shit-town and had an apartment with a nice white kitchen and those big glass windows you always loved in Hollywood movies” she continous and a little smile brushes over her face.

“And we had a kitten called Bella”. She clicks her tongue grinning “Like that chick you like from Twillight”.

Beths eyes glister at remembering how hopeful this dream made her.

 _It felt like a memory in the future._ Like one of those moments that you look back to and think _wow, I wish I could feel like this again._

“My girl, an apartment far away and a cat. And we were happy”. She presses her lips together and hugs the pillow infront of her face, trying to hide how much she actually enjoyed that dream. But her eyes keep sparkling in that special way. Something that’s only ever caused by Addy.

Addy eyes smile and she starts smirking “We could never care for a kitten though. You would get tired of it after a while anyways”

Beth glares at her, her eyes suddenly going cold as ice, before she turns away and hisses. Annoyed that Addy didn’t react in the awing way she hoped for. “Yeah, cause I don’t care about anyone or anything”.

An uncomfortable silence builds between them. Something that often happens between them, especially since after summer camp.

To people that know Beth only a little, she seems like a person that always says whatever she thinks; but Addy knows that’s not the truth. She speaks her mind when she’s confident, sometimes even saying insensitive or mean things. But when she’s insecure or hurt by something, she covers it up.

Her reaction may seem the same to people that don’t care enough to really look, but Addy learned to notice. In those moments, she never tells you what she really thinks. Addy wonders what would take Beth to ever speak her truth about something that hurt her. She can’t imagine Beth ever being so hurt about something that she would actually want to talk about it.

When Addy looks at Beth’s stubborn eyes, she senses that she hurt her. “What color was she?”, Addy asks quietly, propping her head on her elbow, looking at Beth’s eyes, waiting for them to change back into the loving way they’ve been just seconds ago.

“It doesn’t matter”. Beth rolls her eyes, biting the inside of her lips “It was just a dream”

“I still want to know”, Addy sooths her and carefully strokes Beths arm - touching her like she would caress a small bird, trying to not frighten and hurt it, but at the same time proving that she cares. “Tell me what colour she was, Beth”

Beth immediately pulls her arm away, as if Addys touch was acid burning her skin; pulling herself into safeness. “She was grey”, Beth admits in a monotone voice.

Addy smiles softly “And did she have white sprinkles on her nose like the one at summer camp?”

A small smile forms itself on Beths face and she tries to hide it, but her eyes still have this sparkling in them, the one that she always has when she feels close to Addy. “Yeah, she did.” Slowly she starts playing with the sheets again and looks at Addy, who still ganzes at Beth, making her blush. “And she also had those white tips on her toes that made it look as if she wore white sneakers. Do you remember?”

“Yeah I remember”, Addy responds laughing “You always called it Tik-Tok-Queen even though it was male”

“Tik-Tok-Queen was too beautiful to be a boy and we both know it, Hanlon”

“True”, Addy chuckles, positioning her head on Beths chest. Feeling how Beths heartbeat immediately goes faster as she lays her hand ontop of hers. It’s startling Beth. And she's trying not to stare at Addy to vividly, but she fails miserably. She looks at their hands, laying on top of each other, Addy slowly brushing over her fingers with hers. Beth stretches her fingers, trying to catch as much of Addys touch as possible - Trying to take it all in. Her eyes drift to Addys lips, remembering how it was to kiss them. How it was to kiss them when they smiled their beautiful smile. How it was to kiss Addy. How perfect it was.

She carefully touches her own underlip with her fingers, tracing over them, loving this memory even though life never turns out the way she wants it to. 

Addy moves hazily to find an even more comfortable position on top of Beth “I loved her", she murmurs.

Beths smile grows even bigger, to the point where it starts hurting her cheeks; biting her tongue to make it stop. Of course she knew. With Addy it was easy to see who was important to her and who wasn’t. She wasn’t stone-cold like Beth could be with people, but you still knew.

“Me too”, she gushes. Memories of them hiding in the garage with the kitten - trying to hide her from the other girls so that she was theirs alone. Spending every day with Addy. Seeing her completely mesmerized by the cat, smiling non stop.

_Maybe, the cat wasn’t what Beth missed most about those days._

Beth moves her body a little so she can see the shadows of Addys whole face, noticing that she has her eyes completely closed now. “Are you falling asleep right now, Hanlon?”, she asks softly, brushing a hair out of her sleepy face.

“No, I’m just comfortable”, she mumbles, but doesn’t open her eyes.

It has happened enough times already that Beth knows that she’s gonna fall asleep, but she doesn’t care. She’s just happy that she’s here and that she’s able to caress her face as much as she wants to and Addy falling asleep to her touch. She shifts to turn off the light; the darkness covering up the big smile that now shelters her face, brushing all the hurt away.

“I like that dream, you know”, Addy whispers soothingly. A tender smile builds over her sleepy appearance in the dark “Maybe we could manage”

Beth looks softly at her girl who’s slowly drifting away to wonderland, hoping that she dreams of them in the same way as she does “Yeah, maybe we could”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! And would love to read some comments and maybe some suggestions for my next fics :)
> 
> (and it's def canon that Addy fell asleep on Beth at least once, you can't fight me on that asdjdjf)
> 
> I had an idea for a possible series, so tell me what you think of this idea, I'd be very gratefull!! <3  
> https://zitrolena.tumblr.com/post/615006550384361472/dudes-im-so-in-love-with-jeremy-zuckers-and


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